


like a habit without even asking, i come back to your side

by jeolmeoniji



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Christmas Fluff, DOYOUNG PINK HAIR, First Love, Introspection, M/M, coming back home for the holidays, inspired by Coming Home aesthetic, lots of reference to childhood memories and growing up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:22:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21975013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeolmeoniji/pseuds/jeolmeoniji
Summary: Doyoung never thought he would talk to Jaehyun again; if he remembered correctly, the last time he'd heard about him was when his mom told him that Jaehyun was leaving for the US for his studies. At that time, Doyoung was already irrelevant in Jaehyun's life, only present in the memories he had from school, the children birthday parties and summer days spent outside cycling in the neighbourhood.Doyoung never admitted it to anyone, but it happened that sometimes he wondered what it would have been like if he had stayed friend with Jaehyun.or; Doyoung is back at his parents' for the Christmas holidays, and he runs into his long lost childhood friend Jaehyun.
Relationships: Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung
Comments: 25
Kudos: 227





	like a habit without even asking, i come back to your side

**Author's Note:**

> hello people <3 this is my first posted work for the nct fandom and i really hope you'll like it, because i have lots of other ideas i want to write for our boys!!
> 
> this ff was inspired by Coming Home (bless this song ;;) and the fact that apparenly doyoung once said that jaehyun looks like someone's first love hehe :D
> 
> the title comes from Coming Home's lyrics~
> 
> hope you're spending good end of the year holidays and enjoy <3

December was cold in Korea. Doyoung was always surprised how colder it was compared to other cities in the world; when he talked to Yuta, he couldn't believe his friend in Japan was still simply wearing a hoodie to go to his classes at Osaka university. Korea and Japan were so close, how come the temperature could be this different? While the beginning of december was cold but still bearable where Yuta lived, Doyoung was already rocking his long fancy coat coupled with a fluffy and big white scarf, that couldn't hide the apple of his cheeks becoming red because of the biting wind.

Doyoung always had a bit of a hard time to adjust to the drop of temperature at the end of autumn; this in-between, not winter yet even if everyone would wrongly say that it was this season already. A weather too cold yet not enough for snow, even if some days Seoul would be sprinkled with it, and Doyoung would leave his footprints in the white blanket while walking on campus. The best was to walk where the snow was untouched, cracking under his shoes. December was a cold month, but maybe Doyoung still liked it a bit, between all of his messy thoughts and tangled feelings.

The last month of the year was always a weird one for Doyoung. Between the last big rush of assignments and exams to finish the semester, the sparkling Christmas illuminations in the streets, the looking back on what his year has been, Doyoung swam in a sea of self questioning and tiredness, mixed with the excitement of hot chocolate and movie evenings with Taeyong, as well as college parties where he could enjoy to get lose.

“What if they don't like me?”

Doyoung rolled his eyes and took a sip of his cinnamon latte. The coffee shop was bustling with life, smelling like hot cocoa and oranges, warm thanks to the delicious drinks and the people's conversations. A coffee shop in december always had this different vibe, and Doyoung could pinpoint a detail of it here and there – how the people lingered more cosily in the big armchairs, how the music soothed his mind – but it was hard to grasp it as a whole, and that was a bit frustrating.

“Sicheng's parents already love you, Ten. Why wouldn't they, when you did your best to learn Chinese diligently to be able to talk more easily with Sicheng, to make him at ease here and remind him of home?”

Doyoung didn't know if his friend was aware that Sicheng had really found a home in Ten, in the tumultuous life that it has been when the Chinese guy had come all the way from Wenzhou to Seoul. Adapting to university here had been hard for Sicheng. And then it had been better, when he had met Ten.

“You bought your plane tickets already, right?”

“We're leaving on the 20th.”

Doyoung remembered when Ten had come to his room, announcing him that Sicheng had asked him to go to Wenzhou with him for the New Year holidays, so he could finally meet his parents. There was as much excitement as there was stress in the slim and short body of his Thai friend, and at that time Doyoung had yelped at the news, so happy for him.

“Sicheng can't wait to show me around in Wenzhou. You know how he get all smiley when he talks about his hometown?”

Sicheng was reserved, but Doyoung knew it was partly because talking in Korean was still a bit difficult to him. However, when he could talk about Wenzhou his speech would be less cautious and the little grammar mistakes would make his explanation a thousand times more endearing, coupled with a breathtaking smile and shining stare. And it changed immediately to another level when he would talk in Chinese with his other Chinese friends or with Ten; this Sicheng was more playful, more confident, and it always made Doyoung smile fondly.

“I'm sure you will both get a wonderful time.”

Ten hummed.

“If we can... I think I will ask him to join me in Bangkok for my birthday. So he can meet my parents as well.”

The faint blush on Ten's cheeks wasn't due to how hot his overly sugary cocoa was.

“Better accelerate Sicheng's thai lessons then,” Doyoung snickered.

They sipped at their hot drinks silently for a few minutes, Doyoung looking at his notebook where he had written down the rest of his schedules for the month, to be less overwhelmed – it was more of an illusion, because he always went through those some late late nights to cram or to finish a final paper.

“And what about you? What's your plan again, for the end of the year?” Ten asked, after pouring a new packet of sugar in his hot chocolate.

Doyoung's parents lived in a quiet neighbourhood in the outskirts of Seoul, and he would join them for the end of the year holidays, like every year. Sleeping in his childhood bedroom where there was still a poster of Girls Generation above his desk, that he never bothered to put down, where his slippers where a bit (a lot) worn out but felt like home, where the TV was always on in the living-room and home-made cookies always ready in a jar on the kitchen table. The constancy of all these details was like slowing down the rush of the time passing, easing its way to the next year. Doyoung liked this comfort, this certainty that something would always be the same despite him growing up. This year too, he looked forward to going back to his parents', and that was what he told Ten.

“Good boy,” Ten chuckled. “I bet your parents are happy. And the whole neighbourhood will be happy to have a handsome guy to lower the average age of the population.”

“True, all the grandmas love it when I do the groceries with my mother.”

“How many of them want you to marry their granddaughter!”

“I get proposed everytime I come back,” Doyoung chuckled.

He was exaggerating a bit; he had lived in this neighbourhood his whole life until university, where he had preferred to get a room on the campus to gain time from the commuting. His parents' house wasn't that far, but it still was far enough to take that into account. Moreover, Doyoung had wanted big changes for his university life, and living alone was one of them. In his childhood neighbourhood, he knew almost all of the elderly people, their grandchildren being those who shared Doyoung's school years. Everyone knew everyone, and between the relationships that began and finished between younger people, Doyoung has been asked once or twice what he thought of one girl or another. He always smiled and shrugged – he never imagined himself with, let's say, his friend Seulgi, that he had known since diapers, even if her grandmother was certain they were made for each other. Doyoung didn't even like girls in the first place, and Seulgi knew that.

Doyoung wasn't that much in touch with his childhood friends anymore; he saw what they posted sometimes on Facebook or Instagram, and it was enough for him, with the occasional birthday wishes and the unplanned running into each other when they were at the same time back at their parents'.

Doyoung could be a really awkward person sometimes, even with people that had seen him crying in third grade at the school festival when he had messed up a song for the choir concert – _especially_ with people that had seen every step of him growing up, from a toddler to an awkward teenager with acne and baby fat clinging to his cheeks, to a slightly less awkward high schooler that was way taller than he himself expected. He still couldn't wrap up his mind around the idea that some people that he didn't even talk to anymore now, had so many shared memories with him, and sometimes would remember a random day that happened in school, and Doyoung would be there in their mind, not that he was that important.

“If you hint better at your parents that you prefer guys, maybe they will find you someone that will finally be more of your kind,” Ten advised.

Doyoung shrugged. Ten knew that his parents were cool enough that they wouldn't be creeped out by Doyoung's sexuality, but they also weren't noisy to the point they absolutely wanted to know how his relationships went. He was glad about it, because to be honest, there wasn't much to say; except dating a guy last year for two months, his record was pretty dry.

“I don't especially want to be with someone, you know.”

“Yeah, you're more of the melancholic and romantic type.”

Doyoung whined and slightly pushed Ten on his shoulder.

“As if you aren't romantic either, with how enamoured you are with our sweet Sichengie.”

Ten sticked out his tongue.

<*>

The weather had a mischievous pleasure to make Doyoung regret warm days in spring. It was way under zero celsius degrees, and each time Doyoung breathed, he would see a little white cloud in front of him. When he was still little, he would say that he was smoking a cigarette, and at that time it felt like such a cool thing to do, as if he couldn't wait to be old enough to be able to do all those things adults did. Now that Doyoung was an adult himself, he scrunched up his nose when he would smell a lit cigarette near him. And perhaps he wouldn't regret going back to those more simple times, where one of his only concern was to manage to get the family computer several hours to play silly games.

After Doyoung's last final, he asked Taeyong to help him dye his hair.

His roommate had the most experience when it came to dyeing his hair; he had almost done every existing color. And each one of them would compliment his delicate features, which was infuriating, but Taeyong was also one of the most hardworking and sweet persons Doyoung knew, so he just accepted the fact that some humans were more gifted than others and moved on.

Doyoung had craved a sudden change, and in his fuzzy mind exhausted by too many hours memorizing information to spit them out on his exam sheets, when he saw an idol with crazy hair on an advertisement, he didn't hesitate much, and thought that maybe it would suit him as well. Soon enough, he had a plastic bag with bleach and a bottle of vibrant pink dye in his hand.

It was good to be an adult sometimes, like being able to not think twice of his parents' approval and just go for whatever he was craving, within what was reasonable and not harmful. Maybe his scalp would scream of pain because of the bleach damage, though.

“I'm sure it'll suit you so well,” Taeyong commented while applying pink color on one of Doyoung's freshly blond strands.

They were both in their bathroom with old and baggy T-shirts that they wouldn't mind staining. Pots of dye were opened on the sink and a soft Christmas music could be heard from Doyoung's phone. He had a mug of hot chocolate in his hand, eyes looking at the mirror in front of him, while Taeyong was virevolting around him, taking care of his hair.

Even with his hair tied like a palm tree, no make up, a stain of pink dye on his cheek – oops – and his glasses falling at the tip of his nose, Taeyong was beautiful; Doyoung sometimes wondered how he managed to get him as his roommate, and then they became friends.

“That will be a big change for your parents well you'll go see them.”

Doyoung hummed.

“I never really did this kind of crazy stuff before, but it feels good to? It's like... the habits I have at my childhood places were preventing me from trying new things, but here at uni, where I created another version of myself, it doesn't seem as weird to go out of my usual way.”

Taeyong had his eyes focused on Doyoung's scalp, but Doyoung knew he was listening carefully to him as well.

“I don't know how to explain it better,” Doyoung sighed, but he had an idea in mind and he wanted to try to word it out, “sometimes, I'm scared that the new habits I managed to get far from home, would disappear once I come back to my parents', and I would regress, in a way? It's like I would come back to the teenager-me, with his weird fears and ideas on the world that weren't the best. I still can't believe of a few strong beliefs I had in high school, it's a bit embarrassing.”

“That's called growing up,” Taeyong chuckled, and when Doyoung slightly slapped his thigh with a whine, he added, “what I mean is, it's normal that at such a young age you didn't know everything you know now. It's even reassuring that you can think back on your past self, and notice what was wrong, and think differently. It means you improved, even just a bit, you know? And if you work hard enough, it'll forever stay with you, to keep you going.”

Doyoung nodded. He liked it, when Taeyong would take his rumbles that were all tangled like a ball of wool that a kitten played with, and then his friend would smooth it and untangle it, and his mind and thoughts were clearer.

“I also can't help but think that people I knew at that time, that haven't seen me since, still have in their memories the idea of the _me_ of that time. I would like to just erase it to show them that I changed.”

“You feel more ashamed than you probably should,” Taeyong pointed out. “Were you that much of an asshole or a weirdo when you were younger?” he laughed, trying to soothe Doyoung's worries.

“No, I'm just...”

“Harsh on yourself,” Taeyong finished the sentence for him, and their eyes locked in the mirror. Taeyong had this sweet smile that was made to calm anyone down. “You really shouldn't think so much of this, Doyoung. What's important now is what you can do to become the version of yourself your current and future self would be proud of, you know? And even now, you should be grateful of your past self, because it's still a part of you.”

Taeyong poured the remaining pink color dye on Doyoung's scalp, and massaged it so everything would be as even as possible. The little ministrations relaxed Doyoung who closed his eyes.

“How come dyeing your hair pink led us to have this conversation? You're always more emotional than I thought, Doie.”

Doyoung knew it wasn't a criticism. Taeyong was clearly aware that this specific side of Doyoung, Doyoung didn't show to everyone. He trusted him enough to express his deep thoughts, to answer his important questions. He was glad they were friends.

“Let's watch something while we wait, and then you can wash it off and become the new version of Doyoung you wanted!” Taeyong clasped his hands.

They watched another drama episode with a new mug of hot chocolate, and then Doyoung took his shower, the water running down in the tub tainted pink. He stayed a few minutes in front of the mirror, looking at the result, combing and drying his pink hair, impressed it suited him and that it felt totally like himself. The feeling was really much appreciated. He had a hint of regret at some point through the process of dyeing it before, but everything was perfect now.

“Woah! Doie, it's beautiful!” Taeyong exclaimed, when Doyoung entered the living-room. “Hold on, we need to celebrate with a photoshoot!” he added, getting his phone from the coffee table.

Doyoung laughed, embarrassed yet really pleased by the attention. Taeyong always had this talent to make everyone feel loved and praised, boosting their confidence, and only by pure kindness, not because he wanted someone to return the favor.

After taking pictures for a good twenty minutes, and acting silly together in front of the camera of their phones, Doyoung looked through their pictures, and chose a few that he barely edited to post them on his Instagram. He wanted to show his new hair, and thank Taeyong as well. It also was fun to surprise his friends on his social media by sharing the pictures. Soon enough, Ten commented the pictures with a lot of fire emojis, while Yuta compared him to an obscure anime character. The likes his pictures got were from a mix of his university friends and high school friends, middle school acquaintances, some he never talked to again after graduating and would barely say hi to in the streets. Social medias really were a weird place where past and present collided.

<*>

“Doyoung! It's... I wasn't expecting it to look even better in person,” his dad said, surprised, when Doyoung entered the living-room of his parents' house, his suitcase behind him.

“Hello to you too, dad,” Doyoung chuckled, ruffling his hair a bit out of habit.

The pink was as vibrant as the first day. He had sent a picture to the groupchat with his parents, with a smiley face sticking out his tongue. They told him it suited him, and he was glad. It was funnier to see their reactions face to face though.

“It surely is a change,” his mom added. They chit-chatted for a little bit, Doyoung happy to feel like a warm blanket was finally put around his shoulder, now that he was back to the familiar house, with its specific perfume and the wooden floor snapping under his feet (but only at specific spots: the key was to avoid the third one near the bathroom door, so he wouldn't alert his parents when he was little and awake in the middle of the night thirsty for a glass of water).

“Go put your stuff upstairs, and we'll eat in a bit. Your brother is only coming back in two days, so it's still the three of us for now.”

When he entered his bedroom, he smiled and dived into his bed. The remaining of his stress really melted away now.

It felt good to be back home.

His first day went on smoothly. He took the time to read a little in the living-room, with his father on the armchair next to him. They ate some tangerines, and talked about what they could do for Doyoung's break. Later in the afternoon, his mother told them it was time for the groceries, and Doyoung stood up to go with her, happy to do again what he used to when he was still living there. It's been a long time he did something as simple as that with his mother.

Since he was born, they always went to the same supermarket in their neighbourhood, where every other families they knew went as well. Doyoung wouldn't be surprised if his mother ran into a grandma that knew Doyoung since he was a tiny little boy. Often, even if he didn't recognize the people his mother talked to, he always tried to be polite, and it was funny to see them gossip on what was going on around the neighbourhood.

“How are Ten and Sicheng?” his mom asked, pushing the shopping cart.

“Good! They sent me a message, telling me they were on their way to the airport, actually. Sicheng invited Ten to go to Wenzhou for the holidays, to meet his parents.”

“That's adorable!”

They hesitated in front of the snack aisle; Doyoung found the chocolates he used to eat a lot before, and put one packet in the cart under his mother's amused stare.

“Ten and Sicheng are always welcome as well here, you know,” she commented, going back to their conversation. “Next semester, you could come together for a week-end, and we'll have a great meal. Being far away from their families must be hard sometimes, so we can be their family here.”

Doyoung smiled fondly at his mother. He was so proud to have a mother like his, who was so kind and welcoming with any of his friends, so genuine.

“And if it's your turn to bring someone as well...” she added, half teasing and half curious.

Doyoung rolled his eyes and laughed.

“Not really in my priorities for now. But if it happens one day, I'll be sure to bring them home to you and dad.”

He gave her a brief hug, and feeling a bit embarrassed he looked through the grocery list, and told her he was getting the sugar she needed to bake her cookies, while she went to the vegetables section.

Walking through the aisles, he wondered how it would feel, to bring someone home, and tell his parents “Here's my boyfriend” with a proud smile. It felt surreal – not like Doyoung had anyone that could pretend to be in a relationship with him. He couldn't settle his mind on the concept of someone sharing his life by his side; as if a person he knew nothing about would appear in his life, get close to him, and they would learn stuff about each other, and develop affection, and feelings, and then he wouldn't be able to imagine his life without that person by his side.

It's like when he tried to understand what would be the concept of losing his memory; it would be so weird to forget about the closest people around him, how could he forget Taeyong's kindness, Yuta's smile, Sicheng's shyness? But then he would twist his way of thinking, and tell himself: if a person you've never seen suddenly came to you and told you you both were really close, while your brain would give you zero information about this stranger, then that would probably be a similar feeling to what memory loss about your close relatives was. This uncomfortable awkwardness.

_Sugar, right_.

“Doyoung?”

Surprised to hear his name, Doyoung raised his head from the different sugar brands in front of him, and his stare met soft brown eyes and surprised raised eyebrows. The softness of the features made Doyoung's heart jolt. His own mouth opened in a _o_ of disbelief.

“Jaehyun?”

In front of him, almost sheepishly, stood Jung Jaehyun, clad in an expensive grey coat and fluffy white scarf, his brown hair framing his handsome face. He had a hand in his pocket, and the other went up to mess with his hair. Doyoung followed the bounce of the strands, ruffling on Jaehyun's forehead, back in place perfectly as if he was looking at an advertisement.

Life was so unfair, and Doyoung's heart was a traitor.

“Oh my god, it's been, what, five years?” Jaehyun chuckled, and he took a step toward Doyoung, who was frozen with that air that Ten would describe as the _surprised bunny face_.

Five years ago, Doyoung was this clumsy kid in high school, who didn't know what to do with his greasy hair, and that always seemed to have his uniform trousers too short revealing his ankles. Five years ago, Jaehyun was the handsome guy that everyone knew and that everyone liked, because he was hot and clever and athletic and funny and he had _dimples_. Incidentally, he also was one of Doyoung's childhood friends; emphasis on the _childhood_ , because they didn't really talk much anymore in middle school, and even less when they entered high school.

Doyoung still wasn't sure if it was himself who withdrew from Jaehyun's life, or if it was Jaehyun who left Doyoung's circle. Everything happened so fast, and with such big waves of emotions too, that it was hard for adult-Doyoung to have a good understanding on his early teenager self.

He never thought he would talk to Jaehyun again; if he remembered correctly, the last time he'd heard about him was when his mom told him that Jaehyun was leaving for the US for his studies, that she had heard from Jaehyun's mom herself. At that time, Doyoung was already irrelevant in Jaehyun's life, only present in the memories he had from school, the children birthday parties and summer days spent outside cycling in the neighbourhood.

Doyoung never admitted it to anyone, not even himself, but it happened that sometimes he wondered what it would have been like if he had stayed friend with Jaehyun, all that time.

“Yes, more or less. I think, since you went to the US, right? Funny to see you here,” Doyoung replied, and he let out this awkward laugh that probably made him look ridiculous. He didn't want to look ridiculous in front of Jaehyun.

“It's good to see you,” Jaehyun smiled, and his dimples appeared. He was swaying a bit on his two feet, as if he wasn't sure if he should go closer to Doyoung to give him a short hug to celebrate their impromptu reunion. Doyoung didn't move closer.

“You're back to your parents' for the holidays?”

“That's right. I'll be around for a little bit. You?”

“Yeah, same.”

Jaehyun nodded, and Doyoung did too for no reason, and his mind couldn't think of how to continue the conversation. He gritted his teeth; he wanted to say something clever, he wanted to talk more to Jaehyun, but he felt so far away from him. The teenager Doyoung was years ago resurfaced, and he was as nervous as before; he never really understood where this nervousness came from. Probably from an inferiority complex he had with Jaehyun. To see him becoming an esteemed teenager, while Doyoung freaked out and never considered himself cool enough to be at ease around others. Thinking he was misunderstood, too good to have the same interests as the others, too clever, too eccentric even if he was being himself.

Now, Doyoung knew that he had carved himself a place on the outside on purpose, thinking he was better than the others, belittling them in his mind but never out loud.

“I never thought you would be the type to go for pink hair,” Jaehyun whistled finally.

“O-oh, yeah, I did that a few days ago, actually,” Doyoung flushed, patting his head and looking at his shoes.

“It suits you.”

Doyoung looked back at Jaehyun. He was looking at him with some kind of affection. That was surprising.

Jaehyun too was a bit different from his teenager self. His hair was shorter, and it suited him better. The biggest change though, was the two little earrings adorning his lobes. It was simple shiny stones and Doyoung knew he didn't have them in high school. At that time, it would have been seen as too weird.

Past and present were colliding. Doyoung still had his bunny smile, but now also had pink hair. Jaehyun's dimples were as strong as ever, but his ears were pierced.

“Thank you,” he whispered, touched.

In the floating silence, he grabbed a packet of the usual brand of sugar his mother used.

“I am here with my mom, actually,” he told Jaehyun, raising the packet as if he would understand that he took it for her.

“Really? I haven't seen her in so long as well, can I greet her? I remember her cookies that we used to eat in primary school.”

Jaehyun was so smooth and natural. Doyoung wondered if he would have done the same – maybe he would have fled instead. He nodded, and they walked side by side toward the vegetables aisle where Doyoung quickly saw his mother.

“Hello, Mrs Kim, it's nice to see you!” Jaehyun said when he met Doyoung's mom's stare.

She gasped.

“Jaehyunie? Oh my god, look at how handsome you are!”

Jaehyun chuckled awkwardly, and Doyoung simply put his packet of sugar in the cart. He couldn't deny what his mom said, but that, no one needed to know.

“How are your parents, Jaehyunie?”

“Good. I'm staying with them for the meantime.”

“It's been forever I haven't seen them.”

Her mom looked at Doyoung and she tilted her head, pensive, before talking again.

“It may seem sudden, but what about we have a dinner together, in the following days? It's the holidays, we'll probably find a time to do that easily. We'd be glad to host!”

“That's really nice of you, Mrs Kim. I can talk about it with my parents tonight.”

“Perfect. I'll contact your mom tomorrow, then. Your home phone number hasn't changed, right?”

“That's right.”

Doyoung followed the exchange without saying anything. Soon enough, Jaehyun told them he had some errands to take care of and excused himself. Before leaving, he turned one last time to Doyoung, flashed his dimples, and said:

“I'm glad we ran into each other! Let's talk again soon, ok?”

Doyoung dumbly agreed and waved at Jaehyun when he left. Her mom was already focused again on her vegetables.

“You just invited Jaehyun and his family like that?” he finally said.

“Yeah, where's the problem? We all know each other. And you were such good friends when you and Jaehyun were little!”

“Yeah, but then we never really talked again, because... because Jaehyun, I mean, did you look at him? I'm... not much in comparison.”

“What am I hearing? Doyoung, have some confidence, will you? You are really clever, and more handsome than Jaehyun, because you're my son.”

She said that on a light tone, as if it wasn't a big issue, but there still was this underlying message that she was proud of Doyoung no matter what and that he shouldn't compare himself. Doyoung knew it but couldn't help it, even less since meeting Jaehyun again was such a surprise and had taken him aback.

Later that night, in the darkness of his room, he opened Instagram and looked for Jaehyun's account. It popped up easily. He had quite a number of followers, and even if he had a decent number of pictures uploaded, it wasn't overwhelming. Besides, the overall aesthetic was nice to admire. Of course, there was a lot of selcas. Jaehyun looked good and he knew it. There were landscapes of what Doyoung guessed was some town in the US, also some vinyl records and half drank americano cups.

Doyoung was a sucker for this kind of vibe, and he felt ashamed to be so easy to fall.

On one of the pictures, he recognized Taeil, a friend of theirs from the neighbourhood as well. They used to hang out when little, Taeil's little brother Donghyuck tagging along too. What a group they were. Apparently, unlike Doyoung, Jaehyun more easily still hung out with their childhood friends. Not surprising. He wondered what the others were doing in their life, now.

Doyoung switched to his own account, to look through his pictures with a critical eye. Maybe Jaehyun would have had the same idea as him, and checked his Instagram. His latest picture was, without surprise, the pictures of his freshly pink hair. Taeyong appeared in them. Would Jaehyun wonder who Taeyong was for Doyoung? There were his pictures from the library when he was studying. One with Sicheng and Ten from a random party. City landscape of Osaka when he did his semester abroad, between pictures of food and of Yuta hanging at his arm. What was the vibe all of this gave of Doyoung's life? Would Jaehyun think he was cool, cooler than the shy student he was in high school?

Doyoung went to bed after he got a text from Ten, reassuring him that he and Sicheng arrived sound and safe in Wenzhou.

<*>

When Jaehyun told Doyoung “let's talk again soon”, Doyoung agreed to be polite; he didn't really think he would actively look for Jaehyun and engage in a conversation. That was one of his biggest flaws, to let opportunities slip through his fingers. Maybe he checked Jaehyun's Instagram, but he didn't like any picture, nor did he follow him. However, when Doyoung woke up, notifications on his phone were waiting for him: Jaehyun hadn't only followed him, he had also liked his pink hair pictures, and sent him a dm.

[jjaehn_214:] hey! It's jaehyun here :) I realized I didn't have your number so I checked ig haha

[jjaehn_214:] just wanted to say that I talked to my mom yesterday, and she's really excited to meet you and your parents again around a good meal together. I wanted to let you know so you could tell your mother soon enough

[jjaehn_214:] twas nice to see you again after so long, yesterday. I caught up with some of the other guys around, like taeil and donghyuck

Doyoung didn't know what to reply, to be honest. It's not like he suddenly had the urge to tell Jaehyun about all of his life, but he still lowkey wanted to keep the conversation going.

[tokkimdy:] thanks for letting me know, i'll tell my mom

[tokkimdy:] I almost havent talked to anyone tbh, I hope taeil and donghyuck are doing well. What are they doing for their studies now?

_Good strategy, Doyoung. Asking a question so you'll get a reply. Taeyong would be proud of you._

Doyoung exited the chat, and followed Jaehyun back before locking his phone and dragging himself to the kitchen for breakfast. He made himself a coffee, pouring some milk in it.

“It snowed during the night, did you see?” his dad commented, munching on his food.

Doyoung looked through the window, and he was greeted by pristin snow covering the backyard and the other houses' rooftops.

“Guess we'll have a lazy day today.”

And a lazy day it was for Doyoung. He let his mom know about Jaehyun's family being happy for the invitation, and he left her taking care of it as she wanted, making some suggestions when she asked him questions. Other than that, Jaehyun replied to his dm, informing him that Taeil was doing a master degree in music, and that Donghyuck has entered the same university as his older brother. Doyoung remembered that the two brothers were incredibly talented when it came to singing, and they had shared the same choir for a few years.

He also got messages from Sicheng and Ten, saying they were tired by their plane trip, but the wonderful smile Sicheng arbored on the few pictures was a certain proof that being back home made him delighted. Ten was still a little nervous, but so far he managed to speak Chinese like a king and Sicheng's parents loved him. That really made Doyoung happy, that his friends lived their couple life step by step, smoothly.

After a late shower and a late lunch, Doyoung decided to go on a walk through the snowy streets, and put on his coat and big scarf. As much as he was wary of the cold, snow amazed him and walking through his neighbourhood always put him in a calm mood. At the same time, it made him nostalgic and a bit melancholic, but maybe he liked to feel like that from time to time, taking some time to remember what his life has been so far, and to list the differences between now and then, speculating on what could have been, on what could happen.

He always had the same route he followed. He would go up his street, follow the orchard he used to go to to get fruits in summer, and lose himself in the interlaced residential streets; here and there, he knew it was his old friends' houses, and wondered what they were doing now, if they were home for the holidays, living their life in another city, another country, with which people he'd never met.

His walk would then cross the main road of the neighbourhood, and go down the school pathway. There, he would stop at the park for some time, taking his time to look around him on a bench.

From his usual place, he could see the sport field. Sport field that he never got to use, or never dared to after middle school. It was covered with a thin layer of snow now, and the basketball hoops were lonesome and cold around the field. It wasn't a great weather to take part in a basketball game, so it wasn't surprising no one was there.

In the summer, Doyoung used to go on a walk, the exact same path, and end up there. Under the sun, people were more likely to go out and break a sweat. Doyoung would look at them from afar, years after years seeing people he didn't know, younger than him, playing like so many before them.

When he was in middle school, he used to wander there to have a glimpse of his childhood friends, even if most of the time no one he knew was there. And when it happened, it made him anxious anyway, because it's not like he'd have the guts to talk to them, because he already had created the distance between them and he didn't dare act like before. He didn't really know what he wanted to get from those walks. The reassurance that there was still something that could last, from his early days until now?

Despite the cold, Doyoung stayed for quite a bit, his hands stuffed in his pockets, and his scarf up to his nose. He probably was a funny view from afar, with his pink hair and only his eyes and red cheeks visible under the amount of clothes he had to fight off the cold.

Lost in his thoughts, he didn't hear the snow cracking behind him, and then there was a soft voice calling his name.

“Doyoung? Wow, we really run into each other a lot lately.”

Doyoung's heart missed a beat, and he turned around to be face to face with Jaehyun. He had the same coat and scarf as yesterday, and his ears were red from the cold. He had a soft smile that made his eyes crinkle and his dimples pop out. Doyoung thought it wasn't fair.

“H-hey, fancy seeing you here.”

“Mind if I join you? Or maybe you're waiting for someone?” Jaehyun tilted his head.

“Oh, no I don't! Please sit down.”

Jaehyun sat next to Doyoung at a respectable distance, but it was still close enough for Doyoung to feel shy.

“I wanted to see if anyone was playing basketball to join them, but I guess with this weather, it was silly of me to assume that. No one even cleared the field from snow.”

“It's too cold to play as well, don't you think?”

“Well, moving around warm up the body, so...”

“You don't even have a basketball with you, do you?” Doyoung teased.

“You got me there,” Jaehyun laughed. “But if I did, would you play with me?”

“Why not?”

Doyoung remembered seeing Jaehyun playing basketball with others, while he would just be with a book in the shadows. He sometimes would have liked to join, but he always had good excuses not to, the first one being that he wasn't good enough. Jaehyun was part of the basketball team. In comparison, he was mediocre. But in primary school, they used to play a bit. He wasn't so self-conscious, before.

“Do you remember?” Doyoung blurted out suddenly, a small sweet memory resurfacing. “I think we were like, nine, and we were playing around during recess. You had learnt a new trick at your basketball practice, and you tried to teach it to me so I would shoot better.”

“Really? You remember better than me, but it's cute. We used to play a lot together, right.”

Doyoung didn't know if it was better to remember their memories together, or to never stop creating new ones, like Jaehyun seemed to have done compared to him.

“You used to sit around here to read, right?” Jaehyun asked with an elusive move of his hand gesturing toward the benches next to the field.

“I... did. I liked the mood here.”

“I understand. When I left for the US, what striked me the most was how unfamiliar the neighbourhood and the overall mood were, compared to here. And then I became fond of it as well.”

“I guess it was the same when I went to Osaka for university.”

“You went to Osaka?”

“Yeah, for a semester,” Doyoung explained, slowly becoming more at ease in this conversation, because he was talking about precious memories and was eager to share them, “it's like creating a new home somewhere else. Making all those random and loveless buildings part of your own life, and making them relevant. That's what we did here when growing up, and then we can do it wherever we want to go if we take the time and the energy. I miss Osaka sometimes. Like I miss this place, my parents' house, our old school, when I feel like my life at uni is a bit too much.”

Doyoung stopped talking, because maybe it was too much for a conversation between two old childhood friends that almost knew nothing about each other's life anymore and who met again the day before after years of not talking. But when he glanced at Jaehyun, he was looking at him with a smile, diligently listening.

“You were always the most delicate between us.”

Doyoung turned red, embarrassed.

“I–”

“I didn't mean it in a bad way,” Jaehyun scurried to say. “I was all about being loud and doing sports when I was younger and I don't regret it, but sometimes I remember how I'd have liked to join you from time to time to read on the bench, to have a little bit of calm? It was always soothing to be around you.”

Doyoung was speechless. Jaehyun's ears had become redder because of the cold being stronger.

“I mostly thought I was lame though,” Doyoung chuckled to fill the silence that installed between them. Here he was again, depreciating himself. If he was there, Taeyong would pout and shake his head, frowning.

“Being quiet doesn't equal to being lame. Besides, don't you think it's always a weird transition, in middle school and high school? We all try to fit somewhere by leaving stuff behind. We're so extreme when we're teenagers.”

Doyoung completely understood, and it made him feel warm that he thought the same as Jaehyun, that Jaehyun understood him.

Their conversation continued smoothly and Doyoung couldn't be happier, feeling closer to Jaehyun than he's been in years. Jaehyun talked about the US, how he was glad it helped him with his English, how it was going back to Korea and so on. They caught up and Doyoung realized he wanted to know even more about Jaehyun.

Then, as the afternoon went by, it became darker and it snowed again heavily. Too engrossed in their conversation, the both of them didn't realize how cold it was.

“I don't have an umbrella, I think I should go back. You must be cold as well.”

“I can walk the way with you,” Jaehyun offered.

Doyoung's heart beat a little bit faster.

“It's okay, I'll take the bus. Your house is near here anyway, right? Don't make a detour for me.”

“Ok, but I'll wait at the bus stop with you.”

They didn't wait five minutes for a bus to arrive. When Doyoung got on, Jaehyun had the time to tell him “see you soon!” before the doors closed. Doyoung saw him waving by the windows, and then the vehicle drove past him.

When he sat at the front of the bus, Doyoung remembered.

It must have been in the last year of middle school. At that time, he took the same bus as Jaehyun to go to class, but they didn't even say hi to each other inside. And then one day, he had been dragged into a little conversation at the bus stop in front of their school, and he exchanged a few words with Jaehyun. When the bus arrived, the students quickly got on. Doyoung saw Jaehyun sneaking to the back while he took his usual seat near the driver. However, when he was about to sit, he met Jaehyun's stare, who smiled at him and beckoned him to join everyone at the back by a wave of his hand.

It happened so fast that until now, Doyoung still didn't know why he just shook his head no with a smile, and sat at his usual seat at the front.

He would have liked to sit next to Jaehyun.

<*>

“So how are your holidays going on so far?”

Doyoung was lazily sprawled on his bed, video-calling with Sicheng and Ten.

“It's cool. My brother arrived this morning, I'm happy to see him again. I also must have eaten my weight in homemade cookies.”

“Talk about it, Sicheng's parents consider I'm not nourished enough and they always make gargantuan meals for me,” Ten rolled his eyes and Doyoung laughed.

“We'll also have guests tomorrow, so my mom is living in the kitchen for now.”

“Oh, who are they?”

Doyoung still hadn't talk about Jaehyun to his friends, and he learnt earlier that day that his parents and Jaehyun's had decided to have their meal reunion the next day. After the conversation on the bench with Jaehyun, Doyoung had talked to him a little bit through Instagram, but it wasn't like if they were face to face.

“When I did the groceries with my mom last time, I ran into one of my childhood friends. We chatted a bit, and then my mom proposed that his family join us for a meal since it's been so long we haven't caught up.”

“Childhood friend?”

“His name is Jaehyun. I don't think I've ever talked about him with you.”

“What is he like?”

Doyoung hummed, trying to find words to describe him.

“He's handsome. He likes basketball a lot, and he went to the US some time during high school. We weren't really friends anymore in middle school, but we used to hang out a lot before that.”

“Handsome, hmm.”

Doyoung ignored Ten's comment.

“We talked a bit more yesterday as well.”

“Was the conversation nice?”

“Yeah. Yeah, it was,” Doyoung smiled, and Sicheng mirrored it.

“Do you have his Instagram or something? I want to stalk him now,” Ten said, all serious.

Doyong rolled his eyes but gave him his username. Ten and Sicheng focused on Ten's phone once he looked up the account. Doyoung waited, a little bit nervous for an unknown reason.

“Damn, this Jaehyun guy is hot,” Ten finally whistled.

Sicheng looked offended, and Doyoung saw him looking with a scandalized face at his boyfriend praising another man. Ten turned his head and nuzzled Sicheng's cheek with his nose to make him giggle.

“You're way more handsome than him, though,” he said in Chinese, and Doyoung understood that because the couple often used those words in front of him – Doyoung could almost pretend he could speak Japanese and Chinese, with his friends coming from every Korea's neighbour country.

At least, engrossed in their coupley stuff, they didn't comment on the faint blush that adorned his cheeks. They came back to looking at Jaehyun's Instagram, while Doyoung looked at them on his own phone screen.

“He looks like someone's first love,” Sicheng stated.

Doyoung's eyes widened, and he couldn't help the sense of panic going through his entire body. He stayed silent, but that intrigued his friends who were waiting for at least a comment or a snicker.

“Doyoung.”

“What?” he squeaked.

“Were you in love with Jaehyun when you were younger?”

Deep red spread on Doyoung's cheeks, and he lowered his head, mumbling under his breath.

“Love is a big word...”

“But you definitely liked him, considering your reaction.”

Doyoung glanced at Ten and Sicheng, suddenly feeling so small.

“Everyone liked him. I wasn't anyone special.”

“Weren't you friends?”

“Mostly in primary school. I guess we spent a lot of times together at that time, and I've always felt like I liked him more, but I wasn't really aware of that, because it's not like I had gay figures showing me there's nothing wrong in liking a boy when I was one myself. And then...”

“And then?”

“And then it was middle school, a wave of unknown people, and Jaehyun was taken from me by this crew of cooler kids, and we didn't really match together anymore.”

“Wow, bitterness is high.”

“I guess it was just frustrating, to suddenly see all those people smiling more than me, talking more than me, being able to make Jaehyun laugh and smile. I was the one who knew him the longest, but it didn't matter in the end. And then their years of friendships outweighed ours. I didn't do a lot to change that, though. We weren't even in the same class.”

“That's some high level drama scenario that you're depicting, Doyoung. Even more since the both of you met again and seem to hit it off nicely.”

“And he's still got a hella fine ass,” Ten added.

Sicheng smacked his boyfriend on the arm.

“And I'm still the same awkward ass.”

“You say you're awkward because you suddenly act like your past self, as if you were back in time and needed to act like it's middle school all over again. You grew and you need to apply your new knowledge of life into what you're building new between the two of you. Sure, the foundation are really old, and you both left the construction site for a dozen years, but you can pick it up again.”

Ten looked at his boyfriend with enamoured eyes.

“You're so sexy when you talk all nerdy like that, you know that?”

Sicheng sighed as if he was done with his boyfriend, but Doyoung could see his faint blush.

“Sichengie has a point, you know. You're not as awkward as you think, Doie. And you got a hella fine ass as well. And this new hair color? Totally rocking it. Jaehyun would be blind to still see you as a friend if you show him that you're interested in him.”

“Who said I was?”

“You, by making a lot whole of our video call about Jaehyun.”

“I wasn't–”

“It's okay, Doie, we're glad to help you if it means you can give a try to possible relationships. Oh my god, maybe you'll come back from the holidays with a boyfriend at your arm!” Ten squealed.

“You're really invested in this.”

“We just want you to be happy,” Ten made a pause, and then his eyes softened, “it seems like it upset you that your friendship didn't last. Now that you have the possibility to try again, I'd really advice you to talk to him more, to create what you wanted.”

A wave of fondness washed through Doyoung's whole being.

“Christmas holidays is the time for miracles, and you better make your own wonderful miracle come true, Doyoung.”

That really made him laugh wholeheartedely.

Maybe he'll make his own miracle, then.

<*>

When Jaehyun's family rang the bell of Doyoung's family's door, Doyoung was in the living-room bickering with his older brother to ignore the nervousness buzzing in his veins.

“Welcome!”

One by one, Jaehyun's mother and father entered the room, and then Jaehyun in all his handsomeness. Doyoung's breath hitched. He should be immune by now, it's been the third time he'd seen him during the holidays, it had been like twenty years that he'd known him, but it was infuriating to realize that through the years, the more they grew up the more hot Jaehyun became. And being in his presence so much after so long really made his heart weak.

Gongmyeong looked at Jaehyun and then at his little brother, and a spark of understanding flashed in his eyes. Of course, what could he hide from his brother when they could understand each other without even speaking out loud? Doyoung mouthed him to leave him alone and not dare say anything, and then he turned back to Jaehyun's parents to greet them.

“Jaehyun told us you had pink hair, but it's even more impressive than I expected! It suits you a lot, Doyoung,” Jaehyun's mother complimented his capillary choice.

Doyoung was glad that he didn't get weirded glance at his choice of hair color; he knew some people wouldn't have been as hyped over his choice, even if it was only the color of his own hair. He was surrounded by the right people.

They sat down to eat together not so long after, Doyoung's parents bringing dish after dish so it could cover the whole surface of the table. It was a real feast, and the seven of them dived into the food with enthusiasm. The conversation quickly took the path of the children's studies, the parents interested in how university was going, and their plans for their respective future.

“So what are you doing right now, Doyoung?”

“I'm in my fourth year of university, and I'm looking for a possible master degree in Physics for next year. It's a bit stressful but I like it,” he shyly explained.

“What about you, Jaehyun?” Doyoung's father returned the question.

“I transfered from my american university to go back to Korea because I missed it. I'm majoring in English literature right now.”

Doyoung almost let his food slip from his chopsticks. Surprisingly, his major didn't emerge in their own conversation. So Jaehyun studied literature? That was hot as fuck. Oh damn, he wasn't ready for this information. He never suspected him to major in this field. He only had in mind how bright and sporty Jaehyun was, therefore he thought he would be in a major that all popular and hot guy would be in, like marketing. Guess he'd been wrong to assume that.

“English literature? Isn't that too difficult?”

“I managed to get a good level at English thanks to my stay in the US. I kinda fell in love with their classics as well, and I really enjoy it. They have a good department in my university here.”

“Oh, which one is it?” Gongmyeong asked.

“I'm at Yonsei.”

Of course Jaehyun had to be in one of the best private universities in Korea.

“What about you, Doyoung?” Jaehyun asked, looking a bit eager to know the answer.

“I'm at Hanyang.”

“So you're both in Seoul! It wouldn't be too difficult to see each other if you want once the next semester begins.”

Doyoung couldn't believe the wink her mom throw at him discreetly when everyone was looking at his father mimicking an anecdote.

The meal ended in a light mood, with everyone conversing together over mundane matters. When Doyoung stood up to clear the table, Jaehyun followed him and they smiled at each other while going to the kitchen. Doyoung warmed up to Jaehyun bit by bit after each one of his sweet smile, and with Ten and Sicheng's words of encouragement in mind, he really thought that it would be nice if he could do a favor to his past and present self, and finally do what he needed to to have what he wanted. Jaehyun's sweetness toward him was a confidence booster as well.

The sun shined again after lunch, and the parents decided to go for a walk. Doyoung said that to be honest, he was a bit tired to do it, arguing that he had done one the day before already, and he prefered to be cozy inside. Jaehyun had the same opinion as him, and they exchanged a playful glance when their parents teased that they were two babies in need of their nap after eating a lot. Gongmyeong followed the parents, and Jaehyun and Doyoung waved at them when they left the house for a little hour to enjoy fresh air.

Once they were only the two of them, Doyoung realized he was a little bit nervous, but the good kind of nervousness. It felt like they were children all over again, eight and spending the afternoon together to play silly games and eat candies, talking about very important stuff such as how Jaehyun would become the star of Korea's national basketball team and how Doyoung would sing at Jaehyun's wedding because Jaehyun really liked his voice.

Out of habit, Doyoung proposed that they went up to his room to laze around. There wasn't much they could do, and they were pleased with sharing their likes and dislikes on series, movies and songs. It seemed like it was a subject that didn't run dry, and Doyoung was sitting on his bed with a pillow on his laps while Jaehyun was spinning on Doyoung's desk chair.

Jaehyun laughed when he saw Doyoung's SNSD poster, but he confessed that he had one of TVXQ in his bedroom that he never removed. It reminded Doyoung of Yuta, who was a big fanboy who never hid it.

The conversation derived at some point on their respective time abroad, Jaehyun explaining that he was happy to be back in Korea and that he wasn't sure he'd spend a long time in the US again.

“What about you? Would you like to go back to Osaka?” Jaehyun asked, remembering what Doyoung had told him that day next to the sport field.

“I'd love to go back. It felt like home there. And I have one of my best friends who lives there as well. Yuta really was the highlight of my semester.”

Jaehyun smiled at him, listening carefully.

“And what about your friends in Hanyang? What are they like?”

“Well, there are Ten and Sicheng, Ten is Thai and Sicheng Chinese. They are currently in Wenzhou in Sicheng's family.” After an hesitation, he added, “they are really cute together, Ten is the teasing type but Sicheng can be hilarious as well. Ten even learnt Chinese to communicate better with his boyfriend!”

Doyoung wanted to see Jaehyun's reaction when he knew that Doyoung had gay friends – because then maybe he'd have an idea of how he'd react if he knew Doyoung was actually one himself.

Jaehyun didn't particularly react, as if it was something normal in the conversation. His eyes sparkled and he commented “cute!” to how sweet Ten was. His reaction was so simple, normal and _genuine_ that Doyoung's heart warmed up. Maybe...

“Are they on one of these pictures?” Jaehyun asked, pointing at the few pictures adorning the wall above Doyoung's desk.

“Yeah, here they are,” he pointed at a picture from Sicheng's birthday, “this is Yuta,” he continued with a polaroid from their trip to Mount Fuji, “and here you have Taeyong.”

This particular picture was from Doyoung's birthday; Taeyong was as angelic as ever, and was hugging Doyoung tightly with a wide smile. Doyoung looked the happiest as well. It really was one of his most precious pictures.

“Is he like, your boyfriend?” Jaehyun asked, not looking at Doyoung.

Doyoung was taken aback by the sudden question and blushed so hard he thought he'd combust.

“He's not, he's my roommate,” he stuttered quickly.

“I see.”

Jaehyun didn't comment further, and maybe it was the time for Doyoung to ask the question, if Jaehyun was seeing someone. He looked at him looking at his pictures, and he gulped, trying to find the courage within him to do that. Talking about their childhood was fine; bonding over a series they both liked was easy; but stepping into that field about relationship was scary, and no matter the words of encouragement his friends gave him, he was suddenly frozen.

“I'm a bit thirsty. Should we have hot chocolate?” Jaehyun changed the subject, turning to Doyoung with his as sweet as always smile.

“Good idea!” Doyoung quickly approved.

They left his bedroom and took over the kitchen. Soon enough, the wonderful aroma of a christmasy hot chocolate wafted through the house. When they sat down on the couch to drink it quietly, Jaehyun noticed the piano in the corner of the room. It was Gongmyeong who used to play it while Doyoung had tried the flute a little bit.

“Mind if I try to play a bit?” Jaehyun asked when he had finished his cocoa.

Doyoung gladly urged him to play, his heart fluttering when Jaehyun sat down in front of the wooden instrument.

Jaehyun was a sight to behold when he was playing; focused and serious, his long fingers hitting the keys with his gentle eyes and conscious stare. Doyoung remembered that Jaehyun played the piano, but it was like he discovered it all over again. Ten's words rang in his head, _make your own wonderful miracle_ , and Doyoung realized that he didn't want to lose Jaehyun a second time.

When their families came back, Doyoung and Jaehyun were trying to put together a Christmas song on the piano and were laughing a lot, really close.

(Doyoung totally missed the knowing glances his mother exchanged with Jaehyun's.)

<*>

Jaehyun's message was simple. _Do you want to go see Taeil and Donghyuck with me today?_

Doyoung sat at the bus stop. He always was a bit cautious, so he had extra time to wait and be sure he wouldn't miss his bus. His hands were stuffed in his pockets and the cold prevented him to look at his phone to pass the time. Instead, he studied his surroundings. Nothing was new to him. He had waited hundreds of times at this exact same place. What was different each time was the people that would cross the streets, walking on the sideways, those in their car, on their way to what was waiting for them.

Doyoung was amazed that each random person he saw had a life as vivid and complex as his own. Each one of them had a family, had friends, lovers, a job – in what field? – likes and dislikes – chocolate or vanilla ice cream? – worries and fears. Each one of them lived their life, and Doyoung had no reason to be part of it.

And that was what was impressing. So many things happened around him, and he would never know what specifically happened to those people. He himself would be a dust in their life, a stranger waiting at the bus stop with an oversized white scarf. Maybe someone would comment on his pink hair to their friends – _I saw someone the other day, he had pink hair like an idol_ – and that was it.

The complexity of the world was fascinating. He had his own dreams and problems, but so did anyone. Realizing how small a single person was in comparison of the whole world, if not of the whole universe, it sometimes scared Doyoung, as if he had no right to go after his desires if everyone wanted to as well. He felt like he was losing himself and nothing really grounded him anymore.

The sound of the bus stopping in front of him brought him out of his thoughts and he stood up to enter the vehicle. He put the right amount for the fare and took his ticket. He was about to sit at the front when, while casting an absent-minded glance at the other seats, he met Jaehyun's eyes.

His friend immediately arbored a breathtaking smile from his seat at the back of the bus, and gestured him to come join him, patting the free space juste next to him.

The scene overlapped with what happened when he was in middle school. His past self had turned down the invitation and regretted it. But now, Doyoung could change his decision. He could reach for what he wanted. Jaehyun was what grounded him in the present, was what made him feel a little less insignificant between the people the whole world carried.

Doyoung arbored a smile of his own, and didn't sit at his usual seat at the front. He wanted to sit next to Jaehyun, and he walked toward him. The steps were mundane but it felt exhilarating.

“Hey,” Jaehyun whispered, never dropping his gaze from Doyoung's face.

“Hey. Fancy seeing you here,” he teased.

They sat so close, Doyoung could move his hand and take Jaehyun's in his. Jaehyun's warmth was radiating, their knees were touching. Jaehyun laughed a bit at Doyoung, and in the movement his head came near Doyoung's, as if he wanted to snuggle against his fluffy scarf. Doyoung felt like the happiest man on earth and there wasn't really anything that happened. Just Jaehyun, his presence, his dimples and his lovely stare.

Jaehyun looked so pleased that they happened to take the same bus to go see Taeil and Donghyuck, that it added a sparkle to Doyoung's confidence. The atmosphere between them was thrilling, there was so much they didn't say but so much they figured out anyway, and Doyoung felt understood and accepted so easily.

The bus trip wasn't that long, but it felt like they had all the time in the world between the curves and stops of the vehicle. They talked and laughed and couldn't stay away from each other. Doyoung even deepened Jaehyun's dimples when he asked if he would go with him to Taeyong's New Year party so he could meet his friends.

When they exited the bus, Jaehyun took Doyoung's hand in his. They stayed still a few seconds, letting themselves fall together in whatever was happening between them, something all warm, comfortable and intimate like what it felt to go back to your precious places and memories.

Doyoung smiled brightly at Jaehyun, with sparkles in his eyes. No word was needed.

Being by Jaehyun's side, it felt like finally coming home.

**Author's Note:**

> fun fact, realizing that passerbys got a life as vivid and complex as yours has a name in english, it's "sonder"!
> 
> hope you liked it even if i still lack a lot,,, i'd love to know your opinion on this work <3
> 
> find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/_renjunbaobei)  
> (i need nctzen friends ;w;)  
> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/jeolmeoniji)


End file.
